Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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