So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
