Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
