I hate your face
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
