There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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