Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Come see our sink grown plant.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
