meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
