Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
