just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
