just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
