My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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