I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
