is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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