okay pat passed out under dana's car
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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