Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
