A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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