Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i love accidental penises.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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