Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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