No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
