Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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