I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
