apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
