I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
