I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
