nut hugger
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
