Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My life is pants optional.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
