i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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