if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
