Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
