Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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