he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
