Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
