she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
