Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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