This is not my ceiling
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
