you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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