So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
