life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
