Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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