i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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