so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
