I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
