So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
