Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
