I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
