took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
