2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
