dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
