Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am available for nakedness
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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