Define "chronic" masturbator.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
