Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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