Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
